Colossians 3:3
For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God.
Maybe it's from growing up in a conservative evangelical home.... Maybe it's the mental disorder that has messed with my thinking since I was a child..... Maybe it's lies that have been fed to me through Satan and I have fallen into the trap. Well, it's probably all of these reasons. The idea that I'm hid with Christ is not an easy one to accept. Even now, I find that I have to perform a certain way in order to be accepted by God.
It's funny. If I fail, I refuse to pray or read my Bible.. I feel as if I don't deserve to talk to God. He is mad at me. He wants to punish me for my sinfulness. I don't know where or when these lies started to plague me and corrupt my thinking, but they are there. They are strong and they keep me from truly experiencing what Jesus gave me... Freedom.
When I made the decision to surrender my life to Jesus, my life was immediately changed. I was no longer held under the law. All of my imperfectness (past, present, and future) was covered under His blood. I know this. I've been told this my whole life. Still, I cling to the idea that my actions dictate His love for me.
No matter what choices I make in life, God is this steadfast unmovable rock. Storms and waves pummel me while His love holds on tight. It's as if I'm sitting at home by a fire while outside is
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